


Major Faith

by GingerCrowleyarty



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Philosophy, Psychological Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 21:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5264843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerCrowleyarty/pseuds/GingerCrowleyarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Usually Kaidan is the one to share when his emotions run high. The one to give long speeches in return to short questions. Because he knew Shepard cared. Well, she had to surprise him by something of the kind sooner or later, didn’t she?<br/>The story takes place in Mass Effect 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Major Faith

Commander’s cabin is half-lit, quiet and secure. Its mistress has asked for everyone who is not personally invited to leave her alone. Joker has promised her to keep EDI busy, and she is grateful for that, though his enthusiastic giggle put her on alert for quite a while.

She requests Alenko’s presence and he is here three minutes later, which is exactly the amount of time requisite for a person to get the message, run to the elevator from the observation deck and reach her cabin using the lift, then catch a breath and tidy hair before entering her quarters.

They are prepping models of different ships set forth and illuminated in the glass case silently for half an hour. When they start observing the magnifical Sovereign commander suddenly turns and comes up to the bed taking a seat; her pose expressing weariness and desolation.

‘Shepard, what’s bothering you?’

Kaidan takes a load off his feet near her and gives a worried look.

‘I see something is not right. I just can’t seem to realize _what_.’

Shepard looks up freeing her head from her hands and staring into space before her as if looking for support there.

‘I...well. After I ‘died’ ’, her voice cracks, ‘after that I woke up and...hell, I just woke up! No feeling of lost time. Like I fell asleep and here I am all fresh and ready to go. I grab a gun, take advice from some voice up above. I am Shepard and I am back. And that’s it.’

‘Too easy for you, huh?’

‘Yes,’ a quick pause. ‘I mean, no,’ she stands up and glances at him, then quickly turns aside.

Kaidan rubs his neck with his scored hands and frowns.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says under his breath.

This makes Shepard turn back and seat in front of him, only on the floor.

‘No need to be.’

‘There is. I tried to distract you from thoughts that give you pain while asking for open-heartiness first. I _am_ sorry. You’ll feel better if you disembosom yourself to me. Or anyone you trust, of course.’

‘I trust you, Kaidan, Always. This thing that worries me..annoys even. It’s a question of faith.’

She looks down at her hands. She clenches her fists and takes a deep breath.

‘Faith?’ he asks.

Something in his tone makes her look up and gaze hard right into his golden eyes immediately.

‘Faith,’ she confirms and unclenches her fists. She touches her cheeks with the dorsa of her hands to check whether they’re hot. She is, in fact, feverish. But she hopes Kaidan won’t notice. The lights of the cabin are dim, so it makes sense. Shepard keeps maintaining eye contact as if trying to hypnotize her lover.

‘So I am wide awake, fighting for my life right away. And in time I realize I am brought back from dead. But there’s more to that.’

She goes on her knees and steadies herself against his lap. Their faces are so close Kaidan feels a sudden desire to kiss Shepard’s lips, yet he won’t. It would be offending to stop her from talking straight like that again. Instead he slows his breathing and gulps.

She pretends not to notice and goes on, ‘I am not kidding. There is more to that. And it’s nothingness.’

Incomprehension reflects on Kaidan’s face. Shepard knits her brows and bites her lips, inhales and tells the rest as fast as she can in one breath.

‘I don’t remember anything except how your face is the last picture on my mind before I suffocate and then there is darkness for a moment and after that nothing. No Gods, no light,’ she finally takes a deep breath in. ‘Just me waking up to live again.’

They both exhale simultaneously and he takes Shepard to arms. Commander rests there held close to his chest by him. Her knees ache, but it doesn’t matter now.

Usually Kaidan is the one to share when his emotions run high. The one to give long speeches in return to short questions. Because he knew Shepard cared. Well, she had to surprise him by something of the kind sooner or later, didn’t she?

He helps her stand up and pecks on her forehead, seizing his woman around the middle.

‘If you want me to say something rational, I guess, we need to change place,’ he says letting her go, but grabbing her by the hand. He leads her to bed and they rest there, her head on his warm chest, fingers of their hands interlaced.

‘So that nothingness.Are you afraid of it?’ Kaidan asks and squints with fear to hurt Shepard by such question, then adds rapidly. ‘Not for yourself, I mean.’

‘Sort of,’ she takes a pause, as if searching for right words, then continues. ‘First of all, I don't understand it. Is there really a void? Or was there nothing because I don't believe? I don't believe in..’

Kaidan opens his eyes wide.

‘Let me guess. Gods? Supreme forces or something?’

‘Uh-huh,’ Shepard mumbles guardedly.

‘Well,‘ he draws her closer to his chest. ‘May I share my thoughts on this?’

‘Of course.’

‘Maybe this whole thing happened as it did because you _didn't_ die eventually? Because it might be, no matter if there are some gods or just one god or some supreme force, that those who defeat death do not deserve to see what's out there? You survived and it angered life, so you were not allowed to expose this secret. This way, it's your burden. Your punishment for breaking laws of life and death. Maybe, Shepard, you spoiled life's script by improvising? No surprise you did not get to discover the afterlife.’

Kaidan raises a hand to his head and runs fingers through his hair, then throws it around Shepard again.

In her turn she plucks at him firmly and asks, ‘It’s my fault then, isn’t it?’ her voice fades.

Kaidan suddenly feels how high the heat of commander’s body is and it arouses his concern. So after he cautiously unchains their fingers, he tries to talk composedly, while gently rolling his wonderful woman over, then raising himself upon an elbow and wrapping up the blanket around Shepard.

His words were, ‘Do not lay the blame on yourself, Shepard. It was Cerberus. What other organization but them would dare to prove bringing you back possible? _Making_ you live again and leaving no choice but to save us all once more? The main point here is you did it. And you keep on doing it.’

He beams glowing with pride for her.

Shepard shakes her head in disbelief.

‘You still consider me a hero?’

‘Unlike you, I dare not _forget_ that you are.’

He gives an expansive smile right after saying that. That grin coupled with cute wrinkles that appear in the skin at outer corners of his eyes always drive Shepard out of her senses. If commander was standing she would feel leg weakness, no doubt.

‘Come here,’ she whispers, smiling.

Kaidan bends over her and kisses Shepard on the lips, muscles on his hands toughen. He is unhurried, which is very unusual and seems strange. Good strange though, not weird strange. And it warms their hearts. Kaidan's lips are soft, Shepard's are hot and dry. This kiss says, they've still got all the time in the world, though their world hangs by a thread, because she is so hopeless and he is so full of hope that it creates such passionate yet peaceful and oh so powerful union.

However, their relationship never could be named _harmony_ , it was rather a concord. But their _love_ , that very emotion, setting labels aside, was always encouraging them to live, whether they were grasping ardently at one another in the night in hunger for each other or cuddling tenderly , appreciating the fact they had each other, whether they were fighting over some tough decisions made, or over a cup of coffee that wasn't hot enough, after a hard day.

After the kiss is broken off, they share a glance and now Kaidan is hiding his face with his eyes shut in that area of the blanket, underneath which Shepard's bosom lies.

Major mumbles, ‘I love you, Shepard.’ Commander giggles, because his muttering is tickling.

She responds, tumbling his hair, ‘I love you, Kaidan,’ her voice gets playful when she pronounces his name.

Alenko expects for them to keep silent for a while and then just fall asleep. Especially considering that Shepard keeps on rumpling his hair. Her fingers running through his wiry swirls, rubbing his scalp, forcing him to melt with gratification. As a person for whom such relaxation is as good as a miracle he believes he is just about to fly up high. Commander comprehends her lover immediately, so she speaks in whisper, still not able to mask the fact her voice is touched with deep emotion,

‘After all that time without you near I forgot I could feel anything except pain, heat and freeze. And even those senses were dulled. My body numbed. And now,’ she takes a breath. ‘Now your kisses and touches cause me having keen senses.’

Kaidan slowly removes her shaking hands from his hair, fingers skimming her score skin. He lies on the back next to Shepard with his eyes open, holding her hands with no intention to let go. He is flustered.

‘I know there is more to what you have already said, Shepard,’ he makes no eye contact, exploring commander’s palms and sometimes breaking his speech with the kisses he leaves on them, ‘You would never mention it if it didn’t have something to do with the war we have gotten ourselves into. Am I right?’

Shepard energetically nods in agreement.

She anxiously swallows hard, then says, ‘What if I’m leading all those countless lives to nothing? If there’s nothing out there, then,’ she stops speaking for a moment as Kaidan squeezes her hands in his. ‘Then why try?’

Major moistens his lips while looking examiningly at this confused woman who means the Universe to him, ‘You said it was a question of faith.’

‘Well,’ she starts.

‘No, please, let me finish. So I have faith in you, Shepard. You better have it too. Be patient. I will do anything to make you comfortable. I only ask your self-confidence in return.’

She smiles, ‘Okay.’ She gets out from her blanket, throws it away and attacks Kaidan with a hug. She knows if anyone else would say what he has just said, demand what he has demanded, she would tell him or her to back off. Nevertheless, when it comes to major Alenko, Shepard always relies on him. There’s something about his voice’s hoarseness, about the light that dwells inside him and that he’s willing to share fearlessly, sacrifice even. She feels like he is “the one” so many insist every person has to find in their life.

‘Well, since you,’ she emphasizes the ‘you’. ‘Have faith in me, I promise to do everything I am capable of. And run fearlessly into our obscure future.’

‘I like 'unpredictable' more.’

‘Then let me do something unpredictable with you tonight, major,’ she smiles seductively and strokes her hair up.  


Shepard being Shepard has already promised herself to forget “the question of faith” until the moment when she retires into her shell again. They addressed the problem, and a weakness was fixed, after all. Her favourite major on the Citadel freed her from her burden, or at least lightened it, by willingly agreeing to aid her carry it. She will cope with this. 

This time Kaidan determines not to wrestle against the temptation and steals commander’s beaming smile with a kiss holding her beautiful face in his arms. The mission has been a success, because now he is smiling wider than ever.

He crawls to the center of the bed and lies on his back, still smiling, and says, looking right into her eyes, with a sardonic lift of the eyebrows, ‘I’m all yours to treat, commander.’

 

**Author's Note:**

> Facts:  
> It's my first full and real Shenko fic, so I'd be glad to see what you think of it.  
> It's my first full and real fic written in English, so I am open to your criticism regarding mistakes.
> 
> A short letter:  
> Hi there, my dear reader,  
> Please, believe me when I say that I put a lot of effort into this work. So I ask you to leave your opinion if it doesn't rob you of your precious time. And thanks for reading!


End file.
